I was thinking about the importance of Silat ar-Rahm recently and how many cases of people there are, who cut off relations with their families. More specifically, I was thinking about how Allah cuts off those who cut off the family relations.

To illustrate it, a person may cut off relations with a family member and in doing so, that person will avoid anything to do with that famly member: they’ll move to a different city (and this has happened), they’ll change all their contact info so that this family member can never contact or find them (and this has happened), they’ll change jobs, change communities, basically cut themselves off from their previous lifestyle all so that they can avoid this family member. Sometimes, it gets so bad, that a family will refuse to go to the masjid, all because they want to avoid so and so whom they cut off relations with.

It’s really sad but it happens. The meaning of this hadeeth might have been really obvious to you all, but seeing this “cutting off” take place before my eyes I really understood the impact of Allah cutting off relations with you. It’s even more amazing how many people belittle this major sin as if it’s nothing and they hold grudges for years and years, until even death.

May Allah strengthen and have mercy on those who have families who have abandoned them, rejected them, and cut off relations with them. And may Allah guide those families to repentance and join the relations which were broken, Ameen.

Have you ever contemplated the words of the Messenger (sal Allahu ‘Alayhi wa sallam) when he said, “Make things easy for the people and do not make them difficult”?

How exactly do you make things easy for people besides just giving them the easier option if it is allowable? You simply make them enjoy it more. And that’s the best way to teach children—make them enjoy it and it becomes easy.

So for the past week I had an old college friend over for a visit after some 8-9 years. It was a great reunion. Last time we saw each other was when we were both college students, contemplating marriage LOL. Anyways, here we were now each of us with 2 kids, struggling with the pangs of motherhood.

Of course, the most popular topic of our conversations is raising children. She comes from Morocco, and like most Muslim countries, is lacking in a lot of the child-brain-stimulating places and activities western countries are privileged with. We took the kids to the Children’s Museum, a Park (and that IS a big deal), the Zoo, and a few other places where my friend’s son was soooo stimulated and excited, I got worried maybe when he goes back to Morocco, he’ll be more than just bored.

But you know what, what is the purpose of all this stimulation? They say it makes the kids smarter. But does it? i just see them getting more violent! Kids in the US are more selfish, spoiled, and stuck-up. There are some households I’ve seen who have very little stimulation, and yet the children are VERY sharp, quiet, and all around easier to deal with.

I start to wonder does all this stimulation really matter? And is it really “stimulation”? I call them distractions! Because in the end, Dunya just makes you more miserable! Imagine a day of shopping around, and having bought all this stuff you have no idea where to store, do you actually feel any happier? For me, definitely not. And what’s helped is having the Dua’a of Istikhaarah in my wallet at all times to guide me through my buying decisions.

That aside, kids don’t really need all this Dunya–it DOES make them miserable, and miserable human beings to deal with as well. What they need more is nurturing, love, and attention from their parents. That’s what makes them great individuals. Just a little bit of love goes a long way. Why do we bring out the worst in our kids using Dunya? If it is an incentive to strive for Akhirah, then ALHAMDULILLAH.

But if you look at it this way (and the baby section at Burlington Coat Factory only proves my point), all these handy gadgets, toys, and distractions do what in reality? They only give your kids something to do so that they won’t bother you. And that’s what causes all the problems. All these distractions only help relieve you of your parenting obligation, which makes me wonder if we even deserve to be parents in the first place.

In the end, your child will not remember all those fancy toys you got them or the places you took them, they will remember those special moments in your lap as you taught them about the world. That’s what lasts. And ultimately, if you are tired of your children, then think of it this way: imagine the reward of raising another worshiper of Allah.

I recalled an incident when I was in 3rd Grade which helped me understand why we must listen to what our kids are trying to tell us more often.

My father had just gotten a new job after a long time, and so obviously, we were not in a very good financial state for a long time. My parents were always after the sales and cheap deals to clothe and feed us consequently. In an effort to buy me a new pair of shoes, there was a sale on slippers. These slippers were a little bit deceiving in that they almost looked like real shoes. Anyway, after a closer look you realize that they’re really just slippers. My parents insisted on getting these “shoes” for me to wear to school. I kept insisting that they’re slippers and not shoes.

So comes a new school day and I wear these “shoes” to school. Suffice it to say, I never wore these “shoes” again to school because of the response from other school kids. It was a horribly embarrassing experience, but while this memory came to mind, I understood why we must listen to our kids because after this incident, and many other incidents like this, I found I could not communicate with my parents even up through my teenage years. Experiences like this had taxed the ability to communicate with my parents to such an extent, that I felt i could never trust them. And the obvious consequence was that you start to tell others your problems, even complete strangers, to the exclusion of your own parents.

Such an important lesson this was, even though we know we should listen to what our kids are trying to tell us–this memory just drove the point home. If our kids are crying, there is a reason for it. By nature, they are happy and care-free creatures, and if at any point they are upset about anything, we really need to give them that ear, otherwise we’ll have left them to the wolves.

It’s been a LOONNGG time since I posted anything! There were many times I meant to post, but don’t know exactly what stopped me. Anyways, here is my post for today.

I was thinking about that bad guy at school. When I was in 2nd Grade, there was this new kid in class named Charlie. He annoyed EVERYBODY. He did the grossest things in class and the cafeteria, and he was the kid everyone wanted to steer clear from. He wasn’t made fun of–and he wasn’t popular either. He just was the kind of kid whose attention you wouldn’t want to get, otherwise, he’ll probably take the peas off your plate and try to stuff them up his nose.

Anyway, what I noticed about this kid while he was in my class was that everytime the teacher tried to lecture him, he was an absolute angel. He would reply, “Yes, sir, you’re right, I will try to fix my behavior,”–things of this sort. He was very cooperative when he was being reprimanded. At that point, after seeing that, I used to think that anyone who replies like that must have some good in him deep down—perhaps he IS trying to be good, but his desires get the best of him.

Same sort of thing happened when I was in 4th-5th grade. A guy named Garrett, a new kid, also behave similarly. He didn’t do gross things though—but he did try to annoy people and would reply in a similar way whenever the teacher would lecture him. He would listen carefully, and reply in a very polite manner that he would try his best to be good.

Anyway, I had the same thoughts then about this person too. But recently, while coming back from a trip and listening to a lecture in the car, I heard a hadeeth, which I had heard of before, but truly understood it at that moment. The Prophet (sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The believer speaks little, but busies himself with action. The hypocrite speaks much, and does little action.” We hear the phrase, “Talk the Talk, walk the walk,” a lot, and this applies similarly. While I might have thought these two boys were trying their best to be good, they really weren’t. It was all talk for them. They may speak many words of promise that they’ll be good, but it all means nothing because their actions do not reflect these words.

It all goes to show that in ALL cases actions speak louder than words. If your actions are good, yet your words are bad, in the end people will actually think you’re joking when you say something bad, they won’t take you seriously, and they will make excuses for you, because they see what you do of good, and give you the benefit of the doubt. However, if your actions are bad, but your words are good, people won’t bother to make that extra excuse for you, your words will hold no water, because your actions spoke louder than your words.

So in the end, perfect your actions, increase good actions, and let them do the talking.